Debra Fine’s company – The Fine Art of Small Talk is focused on teaching professionals conversational skills for use while networking and speaking with clients. The objective in all professional encounters should be to make a good impression and leave people wanting more. To do that you must be bright, be brief, and then be gone!

Here is the second installment of her twelve tips to help you master your technique and your self confidence when the need for small talk arises.

7.  Have something interesting to contribute. Keep up-to-date with current events and culture because this will provide you with great conversation builders. Lead with “What do you think of…? Have you heard about…? What is your take on…?” Stay away from negative or controversial topics and refrain from long winded stories, or giving a lot of detail in a casual conversation. If someone asks you what time it is – don’t tell them how to build a clock!

8.  If there are people you want to meet, the best way to approach them is to be introduced by someone they respect. Ask a mutual friend or associate to do the honors.

9.  If someone hands you a business card, accept it as a gift. Hold it with both hands and take a moment to read what is on the card. When you are done, put it in a shirt pocket, purse or wallet to show that it is valued.

10. Watch your body language. People who look ill at ease make others feel uncomfortable. Act confident and comfortable, even when you are not.

11. Before entering a conversation that is already in progress, observe and listen. You never want to squash the dynamics with an unsuited or ill-timed remark.

12. Have a few exit lines ready so you can both gracefully move on. For example: “I need to check in with a client over there.”  Or “I skipped lunch today so I need to visit the buffet.” Or you can offer to refresh their drink.

Becoming proficient with small talk just takes practice and the awareness of how to handle conversations. You must be an active listener and observe people and how they are connecting so you can enter a conversation comfortably. Debra Fine has shared some of her expert tips so get out there and start talking!

I had the great pleasure of interviewing Debra Fine, bestselling author, sought after public speaker and trainer and the author of The Fine Art of Small Talk. A study at the Stanford University School of Business tracked MBAs 10 years after they graduated. It turns out that grade point averages had no bearing on their success but their ability to have conversations with others did.

Debra Fine has made a career out of teaching others to feel comfortable starting and ending conversations in those classic networking situations that are so crucial in the job search and in the professional arena.

She has come up with twelve tips to help you master your technique and your self confidence when the need for small talk arises. Here are the first six steps.

1. As you prepare for a function, come up with three things to talk about as well as four generic questions that will get others talking. If you’ve met any of the participants before, try and remember something about them, such as their passion for a particular sport or a charity you both support.
2. Be the first to say “Hello.” If you are not sure the other person will remember you be sure to offer your name to ease the pressure on them. For example, “John Smith? Caroline Dowd-Higgins – good to see you again.” Smile and shake hands when you meet someone.
3. Take time during introductions. Make an extra effort to remember names (repeating them aloud helps) and use them frequently.
4. Get the other person talking by leading with a common ground statement regarding the event or location and then asking a related open-ended question. For example: “Attendance looks higher than last year, how long have you been coming to these conventions?”
5. Stay focused on your conversation partner by actively listening and giving feedback. Maintain eye contact and never glance around the room while they are talking to you. Your focus equals your respect.
6. Listen more than you talk.

Stay tuned for six additional small talk techniques from Debra Fine coming soon.

From academia and the non-profit arena to the corporate world-of-work, I have many clients who complain about bosses who are ineffective leaders. Are their leaders intelligent and talented people? Yes. But, are they able to lead a team, motivate others, and empower success in their colleagues? No!

I have come to believe that while some leaders are born, most are developed and our current professional marketplace does not place enough emphasis on training effective leaders. This leads to discontent amongst the troops and ultimately low morale and low productivity. There are some enlightened organizations that train from within but I wish it was part of every organization’s professional development curriculum.

Liz Wiseman, worked at Oracle for 17+ years and considers herself a genius watcher. She was the VP responsible for the company’s global talent development strategy and ran the Oracle Corporate University. Her book: Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter teaches valuable lessons for current and aspiring leaders.

During Wiseman’s 17+ year leadership watching and developing experience at Oracle, she discovered that some leaders drain intelligence and the capabilities of the people around them. Their focus on their own intelligence and their narcissistic need to be the smartest person in the room had a diminishing effect on everyone else around them. For them to look smart other people had to look dumb or incompetent and in turn, the Diminishers created a vacuum suck of all the creative energy in a room. Meeting times were doubled and other people’s ideas suffocated and died in their presence. From these so called leaders, intelligence only flowed one way – from them to others.

The Multipliers, on the other hand used their leadership intelligence in a much different way. They used their intelligence to amplify the capabilities of others on their team. People got smarter and better in their presence and ideas flowed freely and challenges were overcome. When these leaders walked into a room the energy level went up on the team and difficult problems were solved because every team member had a say and was involved.

So why do some leaders boost the mental IQ in a room and others suck the mental life out of their employees? The Multipliers bring out the intelligence in others by building collective and viral genius in an organization.

Wiseman identified 5 disciplines of Multipliers:

1. The Talent Magnet: Attract and optimize talent
2. The Liberator: Require people’s best thinking
3. The Challenger: Extend challenges
4. The Debate Maker: Debate decisions
5. The Investor: Instill accountability

By extracting people’s full capability, Multipliers get twice the resources from people than do the Diminishers. Wiseman shared a success story about Bill Campbell, former CEO of Intuit who fully admits that he is a recovered Diminisher. A courageous team member called him on his micro managing, intelligence draining leadership style and pleaded for him to give the team space to create ideas and solve problems. It was a hard lesson for Campbell to learn but in the long run it gave him the insight he needed to become a more effective leader.

He now subscribes to the philosophy of creating brilliance in others on his team by empowering them to succeed. This is a difficult lesson for many of today’s unsuccessful leaders who don’t have the professional development resources to learn to become Multipliers. Others don’t have courageous team members to call them out on being ineffective leaders so they continue to diminish and dysfunctional teams plod along.

If confronting your diminishing leader is not within your comfort zone, or you fear job security, perhaps a mysterious copy of Liz Wiseman’s great book in an office mailbox will plant the seed anonymously. Are you a Multiplier or a Diminisher?

Unfortunately, the trend today is for people to polish their resume and submit hundreds of copies via online job sites hoping that they will get a hit.  Many job seekers are applying for anything and everything that is remotely appealing and this technique is not yielding successful results. In reality, job seekers should work backwards visualizing their dream job and then plan a strategy to find a rewarding opportunity in their respective field. It’s true that you can’t get what you want unless you know what you are looking for. The one-size-fits-all resume will never serve you well, and neither will submitting aimless applications for anything that is posted on the job boards. Slow down and take the time to figure out what you really want.

Figure out what kinds of jobs appeal to you first and target your applications accordingly. Focus on your skills and strengths and really consider what you enjoy doing. Taking the time for honest self reflection will save you emotional stress by avoiding a bad career choice that doesn’t match your values, interests, skills and personality in the long run.

Once you know what you want, begin to build relationships with people who do the same kind of work you are pursuing. Chances are you already have these people in your network, or others may know people who can make an introduction on your behalf. By starting with the end in mind and planning from there you can spend your time wisely to build meaningful contacts that could lead to opportunities.

You need to be able to articulate your story about who you are and what you want to do next. Networking is not about asking others for a job. It’s about engendering trust and respect and learning from others so you can move forward with your career goals. Whenever possible, meet face-to-face with your contacts. It’s more personable than phone or email and enables others to see you in action. Strut your professional stuff and make a lasting positive impression. Seek out informational interviews and avoid being a well kept secret by conducting your job search in public.

Research tells us that currently only 4-5% of jobs are secured through job boards and over 80% are found through effective networking. So develop a plan and take the time to meet with people to learn about opportunities, and put yourself out there. There is great wisdom in the philosophy Ready, Aim, Fire! If you do not prepare, you won’t even know what you are shooting for.

If you are pursuing a job search, or simply concerned about your public professional image, (and everyone should be!) Google yourself to see what comes up. This is not a vanity move but a pro-active self defense strategy to make sure your web presence is polished and ready for public consumption.

It’s a given that employers will Google you if you are in the pipeline for a job with their organization. They are doing their due diligence to learn as much about you as possible before they extend an interview. Even if your resume and experience is stellar, their opinion of you may change if they find inappropriate references about you online.

Your mission is to beat them to the punch and clean up your web act. Facebook is the proverbial culprit since most people use this site for social connections. The reality is that Facebook is fair game so the party photos you showcase will make an impression on all who view your profile. You have control over what you post and you should check regularly to weed out content that others may post that could adversely affect you. Blocking content for non-friends is also a way to control what is visible to the general public.

Your professional image is your brand and you want to make sure that what comes up online is consistent with what you are presenting in your application materials. I have been on many search committees and the web research is part of the regular screening process for all candidates.

Web content can also work in your favor so use this resource wisely and update your profiles on LinkedIn and various other networking sites to showcase yourself at your best. Keeping all of this information current is your responsibility and also makes you recruit-able by employers trolling for talent. Take the time to make Googling yourself work to your advantage.

Emotional Intelligence (EI) describes the  ability to identify, assess, manage and control the emotions of one’s self, of others, and of groups. In addition to having a cadre of transferable skills relevant to a particular career field, employers are looking for candidates with sound emotional intelligence when hiring.

Emotional Intelligence helps us connect and communicate with colleagues on a deeper level. In this very global world-of-work, EI helps us create stronger multi-cultural relationships and celebrate differences by allowing distinctive points of view to be valued.

Typically, people fee confident about their own reality but the key to Emotional Intelligence is to help others to be heard so their reality is honored. The cues for EI are relayed through body language as well as verbal and written communication. A savvy emotionally intelligent person is able to pick up on feelings or emotions hidden beneath the words and use that awareness to build stronger professional relationships in the workplace.

Here are some tips to help polish your Emotional Intelligence skills:

• Instead of focusing on yourself at work, shift the focus of engagement to others.
• Practice active listening and connect with your eyes, ears, and heart to what a person is saying.
• Slow down and really focus on the person you are interacting with.
• Notice body language and become aware of another person’s comfort zone posture.
• Utilize validating language instead of always questioning or probing.
• Authenticate what they have said without judgment.
• Be in the moment and maximize the way you engage with others.
• If you sense frustration or heightened emotions, repeat back to them what you have heard to establish clarity.
• Respond to others the way you would want them to respond to you.

Awareness is half the battle with Emotional Intelligence. Experiment with your Emotional Intelligence IQ and note your consciousness and responsiveness with colleagues in a given day. If you feel the need to make adjustments, do so incrementally and begin to listen more actively to plan your strategy. Mastering EI is an investment in building, maintaining, and stewarding your professional relationships.

Whether you are looking for a new career opportunity or wanting to re-ignite an existing job, you need to be able to tell your professional story. Most interviews start with the Tell Me About You question which is the ideal chance for you to take the lead and deliver your best story. But you should also be able to tell your tale in casual conversation because you just never know who you are going to meet on a given day.

Your story should focus on what you do well and what you really want. Don’t get hung up about job titles but focus on skills and competencies that give you strength and discuss scenarios where you can illustrate an ideal career fit. Remember, this is storytelling so you want to engage your listeners and customize the message depending on the audience. Canned answers are the worst and don’t showcase your authentic self.

Telling a story requires self awareness about what you really want, so take the time to reflect first. If a network connection asks what you are looking for and you can’t answer, then chances are this person will not be able to help you.

Compelling stories about real people in real situations are the currency of far-reaching, emotional impact. Stories motivate, persuade, inform and inspire. Stories are memorable and powerful. They can be cathartic. They move us.  They change our beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. Use the genre of storytelling to get your message across and make an emotional and impactful connection with your network.

While networking your way into the job market should take up 90% of your time, if you are an experienced candidate you may also want to consider working with a recruiter. Remember that recruiters are working with a myriad of candidates at once so you must be communicative and above all – know your strengths. You must also be willing to do the work on your end to be well prepared for opportunities.

Recruiters are not career coaches who will polish your interview skills and help you figure out what you want to be when you grow up. They are masters of professional relationships with golden rolodexes brimming with contacts. But remember, their reputation is on the line with every candidate they put forward so you need to earn your way onto a headhunter’s roster.

Entry level candidates are of no value to a recruiter and need to earn their wings in the field before they are eligible for a lateral or executive hire. The executive search business is driven by the clients (the organization or business) who pay the recruiter fees. Recruiters are hired to find people who match their clients’ requirements, not people who merely come close to the mark. Most importantly, recruiters are hired to find candidates the employers would not otherwise have access to. Often these are passive candidates who are not looking for a new opportunity; candidates who are currently employed, most likely with a competitor.

The resumes candidates submit to headhunters are used to screen people out rather than in. You have 15 to 30 seconds to get their attention before they move on. The things they look for? Do you work for one of the target companies they’ve identified? Are there key words or phrases that “pop” in the summary section of your resume that match their requirements? Is your last/current title consistent with the position they are working on? If a quick scan of your resume doesn’t reveal a match on these key variables, chances are they’ll pass.

The headhunter is the gate keeper – especially on a retained search. Treat your interview with an executive recruiter just like your interview with the hiring company. Understand the position, the company, and the industry. Ask questions. If you wouldn’t say something to the hiring manager, don’t say it to the headhunter!

While we all know that skills are transferable, the executive search community is not going to help you transition into a new industry or a new function. Their clients hire them to find very specific expertise. Since they work for the client who is paying their fee, the focus is to present candidates who meet their requirements. The best way for you to transfer to a new industry or function is through networking and working with a career coach.

A friend and colleague in the legal arena, Frank Kimball of Kimball Professional Management has a firm grasp of the legal market in Chicago http://www.kimballprofessional.com/. Frank advises leading law firms, partners, associates, and law schools on lateral and entry-level hiring. This includes lateral placements, compensation and hiring strategy, training interviewers, and counseling lawyers and students. Frank’s niche market is different than many executive search firms because the hiring protocol of the law firm world is unique. He speaks at law schools across the nation to empower students in the pipeline to take ownership of their job search and polish the necessary skills to be marketable to law firms.

Frank sees this as an investment since these rookie lawyers will be his future lateral and partner level placements. He is grooming the next generation of lawyers and building his candidate pool in advance. Bottom line – Frank says that candidates must be a good fit for what his firms need. They must have a track record of experience and impeccable references because his head is on the chopping block if he delivers a less than stellar candidate to a firm

The statistics are telling – only 10-12% of all job openings are filled by executive recruiters. On average, a headhunter talks to at least 10 people who are qualified for a position in order to find 1 candidate they want to present to their client. The reality is that most people in transition find their next opportunity through networking. So, if you’re spending the majority of your time talking to recruiters, you are significantly reducing your chances for success. Building professional relationships is by far the most successful job search strategy for entry-level candidates and senior level executives. Go forth and network!

As a self proclaimed control freak, I had a hard time learning to delegate. I was doing things myself for so long that it was difficult for me to let go. I was also caught in the syndrome that if I wanted to get something done right – I would have to do it myself. But the more responsibility I took on in my job, consulting practice, and a variety of volunteer activities, the more essential it was for me to learn how to delegate.

I learned that relinquishing work was not only a way for me to focus on my strengths and do what I do best, it was a way for me to empower others on my various teams to get more involved. When I delegated a task, I gave someone else a significant assignment that gave them ownership and buy-in for the project and the organization at large. The act of delegation was helping others take on more responsibility and play to their strengths.

Delegation liberated me to focus on opportunities to move forward with my career goals and gave others a chance to step up and gain new experiences. My colleagues were motivated to show what they were capable of and enjoyed the opportunity to pursue new projects. We created a check-in system so I would not micro-manage their efforts and communication became stronger in the end.

By keeping all of the work to myself I was sending a message that I did not trust my colleagues. While this was not my intention, I realized that delegation engendered trust and helped me prove my confidence in the team. Ultimately, it motivated others to go above and beyond and our productivity level increased dramatically.

With delegation, I saw new leaders emerge and a renewed sense of enthusiasm in my colleagues. New ideas surfaced and I discovered talents in team members that I never knew existed. Delegation is a beautiful thing that helps people play to their strengths. It also gave me more time to advance my goals by maximizing my support. Try delegating – I think you will be surprised by the positive results for all.

I recently taught a work/life balance seminar called I Will Survive! and opened the workshop by admitting to my audience that I was a work-a-holic. I found myself in the same boat as my participants with a hectic work day followed by endless evening activities leaving precious little time for family and fun activities.

When I accepted this seminar gig a few months ago the topic was pre selected for me and I knew this was uncharted territory in my repertoire.  So I began my quest to learn about this elusive concept of work/life balance to see if I could indeed practice what I was about to preach. I am happy to report that it’s not impossible to achieve balance if you are willing to be flexible and let some things go.

I  learned some valuable lessons that I shared giddily with my workshop group and now my goal is to put these into practice more regularly myself.

• Get time on your side. Don’t over plan and be realistic. It’s rare that 50% of any to-do list gets accomplished in a day. Be willing to admit that life happens and that things beyond your control can throw off your schedule.
• Prioritize ruthlessly. Determine what is important and what can wait. Treating everything as a top priority is draining and depleting. Don’t give in to the instant and immediate answer syndrome – buy your time wisely.
• Learn to say no. Saying no to one thing can open up the door to something else. Don’t feel the need to over explain – just practice saying no, thank you.
• Pace yourself. Channel your inner runner and think in terms of a marathon not a sprint. Pacing maximizes effectiveness.
• Organize. Eliminate clutter and chaos and receive the gift of 240-288 hours per year.
• Use technology to make the most of your time. Set boundaries for your personal and professional time. Turn off your cell phone at home.
• Know it won’t always be perfect. Time management isn’t an exact science. Don’t stress out, do what you can and enjoy the time you spend more pleasantly or productively. Be grateful for what goes well and learn from your mistakes.
• Be mindful of your health and wellness. Don’t let your health suffer from stress. Take time to be quiet, meditate, or take a short break. Eat well; avoid fast food and plan for busy times. Exercise; make it a part of your routine and schedule it into your day. Get regular check-ups from your physician. Be sure to get enough sleep – this is your best healing opportunity.
• Play to your strengths. Delegate projects to empower others and stick to doing what you do well.

It takes a conscious effort to leave work at work. Fight the guilt because you have the power to do so. Nurture yourself and take advantage of your options. Make choices that favor you and create the balance YOU want!

I know this isn’t feasible all of the time but I am making a conscious effort to move forward with baby steps. The number one lesson I learned is that balance does not happen all the time. We can’t have it all – all of the time, but we can create an equilibrium that is workable by being willing to change and stay flexible. It takes some mental furniture re-arranging and it won’t happen overnight, but consider creating the balance you want to live by prioritizing what you value. And remember, you should be at the top of your own list!